Three Little Words

Everybody gets to hear them at some point. Before job interviews and first dates, while writing scholarship essays and before meeting prospective spouses. Just be yourself, darling, they’re told.

Me, not so much.

I get pearls like, “Don’t use long words and scare him off”, “Don’t make fun of anybody”, “Maybe you should tone down the bitchy a notch”, “Don’t be sarcastic and intimidating, you know – don’t be all… you.”

A quick survey of my immediate social circle reveals that people think I’m loud, abrasive (remember, Koltrain, remember?), sarcastic, caustic, cynical, overbearing, domineering, intelligent (oh thank you, sweet Jesus!), high-maintenance, blunt, attractive (despite all this, apparently), not as cool as I think I am, evil, fun, weird, a hard-assed feminist and if one colleague is to be believed, barely a woman at all*.

An overwhelming majority of people also assure me that I shouldn’t worry because I will find a guy, all the above points notwithstanding. I take heart in that, as you can imagine. Because if so many people are saying it, then there simply MUST be a guy out there who’s intelligent and attractive and charming and nice who is actually a closet emotional masochist because he prefers sarcastic, bitchy feminists who’re high-maintenance and weird.

Yeah, I can believe that. What? You can’t? REALLY??? Shocking.

* He once asked me, “So whom would you date in our office, if, you know, you were a woman?”

7 thoughts on “Three Little Words

  1. It is interesting that you are expecting ‘nice’.

    Would this loud, abrasive, sarcastic, caustic, cynical, overbearing, domineering, intelligent, high-maintenance, blunt, attractive, not as cool as she thinks she is, evil, fun, weird, a hard-assed feminist and if one guy is to be believed, barely a woman at all, person appreciate ‘niceness’? Just curious.


  2. Of course there are men like that out there. I married one. Much to my continuing shock, he actually LIKES the bits of my personality that scare the stuffing out of most men. 🙂

    I once had a discussion about femininity which went something like this:

    Him: Femininity is just about being female. It’s about softness, and grace, and maternal instincts, and gentleness. That’s what women are naturally like.

    Me: I’m not.

    Him: Well, you’re not exactly feminine, either, are you?

    Me: Are you saying I’m not female?

    Him: No, but you’re not a feminine woman…

    Me: So I’m not _naturally_ a woman, or something? Do you always use circular arguments to make your debating partners dizzy?


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