So we have that version of Windows that lets you choose your own MS Office Assistant. You know, instead of the manic animated paper clip that haunts the nightmares of children who have to study Microsoft Word and answer questions about it. My brother, for some unfathomable reason has chosen Rocky, the little puppy.

I feel sorry for him.

The dog, not my brother.

Well, yes, also my brother for being… him, mostly, apart from a wide variety of entertaining reasons that I’ll post about some other day.

But yes, I feel sorry for the dog.

Every time I do a search for files or folders, after searching for them the dog gets this little speech balloon which says things like “There were 4 files found. Did you find what you wanted?” There are two options for this question: the first is ‘Yes, finished searching.’

The second is ‘Yes, but make future searches faster’.

When I see that, in my head I imagine the little puppy, all happy with a job well-done, wagging its tail excitedly and asking you if you’re happy with its work, if it has earned a treat. If you’re going to pat his head and tickle its ears and tell it what a good boy it’s been.

Now what kind of a sick bastard would want to look that puppy in the eye and say, “Yes, but make future searches faster?”